Hold even this

All we have is our experience.  This afternoon I felt a familiar sense of lacking.  I was disappointed, hoping that last week’s retreat would rid myself of these thoughts and feelings.  Other thoughts distracted me for awhile.  Then I recalled how this might be an opportunity to practice loving kindness and turn my curiosity back to self-inquiry.   What is the source of my desires.  From where does this seeking come.  Agitated that this line of questioning was also beginning to feel all-consuming, my awareness switched to being present, alone, outside in the stormy winds with leaves blowing everywhere.  Let go.  Sink into your heart.

That’s when I heard a voice say, “Hold, even this.”  I repeated it out loud. Hold, even this. From deep within, this Knowing breathed its life into my being.  Yes, there is space for the doubts and confusion of wanting something I can’t have and the feeling I need someone. The take-away was to knowingly welcome, even these, with tenderness.

No need to push anything away or figure anything out.  Understanding is not a destination. From the point of view of Love,  it’s all ok.  An experience of what I’ve read somewhere – the heart does not know the meaning of “getting rid of”.  Everything that is present, has already been accepted.  I am the welcoming space of all experience. The infinite Yes, back again!

Later at home, read the daily quote from Rupert: “The only barrier to peace and happiness is the thought that considers the current situation wrong or inadequate.” -Rupert Spira

In Love, there is courage to face my own sense of lack, while knowing I am deeply ok.


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