All we have is our experience. This afternoon I felt a familiar sense of lacking. I was disappointed, hoping that last week’s retreat would rid myself of these thoughts and feelings. Other thoughts distracted me for awhile. Then I recalled how this might be an opportunity to practice loving kindness and turn my curiosity back to self-inquiry. What is the source of my desires. From where does this seeking come. Agitated that this line of questioning was also beginning to feel all-consuming, my awareness switched to being present, alone, outside in the stormy winds with leaves blowing everywhere. Let go. Sink into your heart.
That’s when I heard a voice say, “Hold, even this.” I repeated it out loud. Hold, even this. From deep within, this Knowing breathed its life into my being. Yes, there is space for the doubts and confusion of wanting something I can’t have and the feeling I need someone. The take-away was to knowingly welcome, even these, with tenderness.
No need to push anything away or figure anything out. Understanding is not a destination. From the point of view of Love, it’s all ok. An experience of what I’ve read somewhere – the heart does not know the meaning of “getting rid of”. Everything that is present, has already been accepted. I am the welcoming space of all experience. The infinite Yes, back again!
Later at home, read the daily quote from Rupert: “The only barrier to peace and happiness is the thought that considers the current situation wrong or inadequate.” -Rupert Spira
In Love, there is courage to face my own sense of lack, while knowing I am deeply ok.
Alena Grace 