July 2016 – Alena Grace

Once like a spark

One times One (1944)
XXIV – poem by E.E. Cummings

(once like a spark)

if strangers meet
life begins-
not poor not rich
(only aware)
kind neither
nor cruel
(only complete)
i not not you
not possible;
only truthful
-truthfully,once
if strangers(who
deep our most are
selves)touch:
forever

(and so to dark)

I’m not exactly sure what E.E. Cummings intended to convey in this poem, but this is one of many from his Complete Poems 1904-1962 collection that points to his knowing of the mystery of becoming in relationship. The beauty lies in its brevity and the space he creates between the lines for us to discover our own meaning; it touches my heart in some way.

I think that “(once like a spark)” means that every moment has potentiality; the possibility to become a life-changing experience. There is a richness to life when we relate authentically in our relationships. There is freedom in my being who I am and you as you are. If strangers meet and let go of preconceived ideas of the other, they can touch one another deeply and be changed themselves forever. So, love wholly and without hesitation.

Warm embrace of mystery

“…relax into the utter not knowing, unraveling in the warm embrace of mystery, sinking deeply into the moment, savoring it fully, in all its uniqueness and wonder.” -Jeff Foster

Awakening to the nature of who I am as ever-present, timeless, unstainable awareness is…a miracle. Here there is no longing or lacking. Presence feels wide open with the capacity for any and all experience. As I explore how this recognition informs how I live my life and relate in the world, there are ups and downs and many questions to ponder. Some days more familiar or conditioned ways of relating, thinking and feeling appear. Integration of what I understand to be, may be a little harder. Glad to have a compassionate, loving teacher. There’s a strong emotional piece in mind/body that is rooted in separateness. I’m learning that it’s not urgent to figure everything out right now. Longing, sadness, loneliness come and go, when gently held with compassion. These feelings aren’t comfortable. A friend recently shared, “I try not to take myself too seriously.” I aspire to that as well. And good thing, since I fell off the bow of the boat at the start of sailing class at Long Shore on Sunday. (LOL)

Another discovery.. it’s ok to linger in the “warm embrace of mystery.” Intimate, sensual experiences of pure intimacy make my heart race…not unlike going to the limits of your longing. Groundlessness is the new normal. In Awareness, time and space have no boundaries. Consciousness doesn’t share the dimensions of humanity, nor is communication limited to words. There are other ways of listening and knowing. Love recognizes Itself. This is my experience. Perhaps it is by “sinking into my heart”, I live more fully alive.

Deep is where the water’s cold

“I cannot tell if the day
is ending, or the world, or if
the secret of secrets is inside me again.”
– Anna Akhmatova

The best I can come up with is that there’s a shared sense of co-creating sacred space…experiencing together the presence of God.

How do I reconcile the expansive nature of Awareness, which is limitless, spacious and wants for nothing with a contrasting experience of aching, desiring and longing for another? The former feels like pure freedom; the latter, an organic, transient yearning. Sometimes my perception of these is blurry within the intimate places they share, in the space of me. Mystery and unanswered questions make for good company.

Desire is made of Awareness. Here I am no longer the seer who longs, but the Seeing. Some things can’t be figured out with the usual ways of knowing. My teacher practices the presence of God. Humble. Authentic. I feel immense gratitude for our relationship. It can be simply a word or phrase, or look, or silent pause that draws me deeper into knowing myself. I imagine this might have been the kind of awe that Jesus’ disciples experienced as their hearts and minds were opened. What we share lingers in my heart and inspires me. It’s holy ground. This kind of Love breeds courage for me to sink into my heart.

It is for this Love that I live, not for any person, for this Love is me.

I feel inspired to live without hesitation. Poetry of Rumi & Mary Oliver, non-duality and Rupert Spira, exploring new career options, attending the ballet, relaxing deeply into even the uneasy questions that surface, lead to creative energy. I’m more optimistic, gentler with myself and others. Those closest to me notice I laugh often and out loud. Like diving deep in the mountain lake, I am refreshed.