“I cannot tell if the day
is ending, or the world, or if
the secret of secrets is inside me again.”
– Anna Akhmatova
The best I can come up with is that there’s a shared sense of co-creating sacred space…experiencing together the presence of God.
How do I reconcile the expansive nature of Awareness, which is limitless, spacious and wants for nothing with a contrasting experience of aching, desiring and longing for another? The former feels like pure freedom; the latter, an organic, transient yearning. Sometimes my perception of these is blurry within the intimate places they share, in the space of me. Mystery and unanswered questions make for good company.
Desire is made of Awareness. Here I am no longer the seer who longs, but the Seeing. Some things can’t be figured out with the usual ways of knowing. My teacher practices the presence of God. Humble. Authentic. I feel immense gratitude for our relationship. It can be simply a word or phrase, or look, or silent pause that draws me deeper into knowing myself. I imagine this might have been the kind of awe that Jesus’ disciples experienced as their hearts and minds were opened. What we share lingers in my heart and inspires me. It’s holy ground. This kind of Love breeds courage for me to sink into my heart.
It is for this Love that I live, not for any person, for this Love is me.
I feel inspired to live without hesitation. Poetry of Rumi & Mary Oliver, non-duality and Rupert Spira, exploring new career options, attending the ballet, relaxing deeply into even the uneasy questions that surface, lead to creative energy. I’m more optimistic, gentler with myself and others. Those closest to me notice I laugh often and out loud. Like diving deep in the mountain lake, I am refreshed.