i thank You

i thank You God for most this amazing

by E. E. Cummings, from 100 Selected Poems.

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any—lifted from the no
of all nothing—human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

Wednesday morning…woke from a dream of being shown an opening in the barb-wired fence surrounding the area I was in, by a mystical young girl standing silent and still, on the outer edge.  I breathed gently.  There were no words exchanged as we gazed at each other.  I found the way out and she disappeared.   A bit later while pondering this dream, as if led by Awareness Itself,  I rediscovered this poem by e.e. cummings.  Great poets have a way of finding words for the inexpressible.   And i thank You God for most this amazing reflects my heart’s experience.  Today, deep gratitude “for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes.”  i feel fully alive.



Love flies on its own wings

“Love flies on its own wings and knows no laws.  It is the emergence of grace to wrest us from the hypnosis of separation.”       – Francis Lucille

What does it mean to live an awakened life?  On some level, I believe it means living in this world with an open heart, in union with divinity.  This is happiness. When I’m at ease, the beauty and tenderness with which I relate to myself and the world can radiate positive energy, creativity and a quality of presence that merges with the present moment. I am Love.

However, as we all know, as life unfolds, there are challenges and difficult situations; some predictable others unexpected. I’m facing some of both right now. My heart is heavy.  I wonder what lessons there may be for me to learn in relating to painful life experiences?  Who is the one that feels inadequate, sad and undesirable?  These sorts of emotions are raw and sometimes overwhelming.  My body is speaking as well, in ways I am yet to understand.

The way of a bodhisattva is to be willing to stay present and live out of this place too. Pema Chodron teaches that we need to go beyond our aversion to pain. Avoidance keeps us stuck in an imbalance of attraction to pleasure and aversion to pain and discomfort.  Is it possible to be at home here?

We are never alone.  Having an enlightened teacher helps me stay the course, to have courage,  be authentic and to live from my true essence.  To experience Love with another person is to know God.  I believe my awakening is channeled through this relationship.  There are no boundaries or separation in Consciousness and I am deeply aware of a transformative experience underway.  This is real.

From a nondual perspective Francis Lucille shares, “We don’t love the other, we love the love in the other.”   There is beauty in the unanswerable questions too.


“We are certainly blessed to be enveloped in love because the resulting happiness, confidence, sensitivity it produces benefits not only us but our attitudes and connections to others in our world.”  –Shirley Kimball

While sailing at sunset tonight, the wind was quiet, the sun sure of itself, and a sliver-shaped moon effortlessly appeared with its borrowed light.  After a long week of thinking too much, I found that it’s my heart that knows the way home.  Just as being close to natural beauty can help point us back to the Source, so the realization of Love as our shared being, divests us from the limitation of separateness.  Awareness is undiminishable.  Like the moon that is illumined from the sun, living with Openness and waiting without waiting for anything…is freedom.

Living takes courage

Learning to be comfortable with uncertainty and impermanence are fundamental to spiritual growth.  I’m drawn to Buddhism and aspire to these principles; this path resonates with me. However, learning about these intellectually  is different from engaging in a practical, messy, deeply felt experience. Recently I was presented unexpectedly with a difficult situation that oozes with uncertainty. So many emotions…sad, lonely, helpless, embarrassed, disappointed, and confused. There are many thoughts that arise, some of which are dark. I read somewhere, staying “present” isn’t for wimps. I’m keenly aware of my life story unfolding as it is, which includes the painful experience of loving someone with late stage Alzheimer’s Disease.

Do I have what it takes to stay open to that which can never be lost, broken or fail?  Do I have the courage necessary to stay with the beauty of impermanence when a tricky egocentric mind would have me feel entitled to want to control life and death?  How do I relate to myself and others during times of adversity?

Consciousness welcomes going deeper. “There’s more to learn…”

I believe that self-righteousness  veils the light of knowing.  I can be arrogant.  when I over think.   It’s a sneaky spiritual ego that masks itself as transcendent and untouchable, just as the going gets tough.  As I sit and listen in silence, there is an ember within that lights up a hallowed space. This is effortless, except for surrendering to the present moment.

True freedom seeks no escape.

So, I gently lean in.  Breath.  There is no closing a heart that has been cracked open.  Know this moment, in its magnificence. Without judgment. Be tender.  Laugh a little, write a little.  Dream. Swim. Be authentic.  Trust in Love.  Live the yes.

What is it in me that never changes?  What is the nature of who I am that is undisturbed by the unexpected?   I am aware of that there is an essential part of me that is undisturbable and imperturbable.   There’s ample room in Awareness for every thought, feeling, perception- even ones that I’d rather avoid.  (Maybe especially these).  This life,  my life and all that I experience comes from Awareness. From this vantage point, there’s nothing in me or in anyone else to fix.  There’s nothing broken. I am deeply ok.

Sinking deeper into my heart I am Grace, Lena, Ken.   May I know humility and accept the entire experience of life, right here, right now; be one with it.   Resting with uncertainty and impermanence are sacred paths for the Bodhisattva.  Stay curious…stay alive.

Such sweetness

A poem from the heart …

such sweetness emerges

           unto ever-present love

or do we merge

            you and I

                        (no matter, all the same)

deep desire penetrates

            our space of being

                        humanity and divinity smile

free from lack

            there is no longing

free from fear

            experience eternity                

                           be knowingly this Presence

 in a benevolent universe

               never not now


No cause

“Don’t try to find a cause of happiness or moments of fulfillment.  There is no cause.  As long as you look for, and give a cause, you turn your back on the fullness, the message of the moment.”   – Jean Klein

Infinite, unchanging Consciousness is Love. Happiness is another name for the same. A glimpse is enough for a life time.  That which is true and unstainable, resonates deeply in my heart and in my daily ins and outs. There’s a movement of my inner orientation to life.   Attention calls me back to Awareness; to rest here.  And action pulls me into a flow of life that is fully alive and engaged, albeit somewhat mysterious.  Awareness sees Itself, merging with people and places, free of restrictions of time and place.  How is this possible?   Ways of seeing and knowing are expanded. Stay curious; stay alive. Question, ponder, explore, dream, pray, love without hesitation and accept everything as it is.  Live the yes.

A new sort of freedom and peace abides, characterized by the absence of longing and seeking.  Fear no longer relates as an obstacle.  I’m humbly aware of how non duality pervades my identity and relationships. I hear gentle words of wisdom to “listen to your heart”.  This holds meaning for me.

Life is fragile with a very thin space between here and now and life beyond. Is there a life unlived, yet to be lived?  What am I called to do with my awakened heart?  Can I be a teacher? What is my purpose in being here?  An emerging is underway.  I am filled with gratitude.


By waiting

“It’s a transformative experience to simply pause instead of immediately fill up the space. By waiting, we begin to connect with fundamental restlessness as well as fundamental spaciousness.”         -Pema Chodron

I love this woman.  It’s simply amazing how her words of wisdom tend to surface exactly when my questions and ponderings are most murky; when I feel edgy.   Her teachings are like bright crystal light beams…that my spirit and heart recognize as truth.

In his book, The Joy of Living, Youngey Mingyur Rinpoche highlights that “feelings are not facts” nor are thoughts, perceptions or physical sensations.  However, our attachment to these can vary, based on the quality of our “restlessness or calm” at any particular time. He goes on to make an analogy that made me laugh, because it is so oddly familiar and surprising to read from a Buddhist teacher.

First, a little background.  Over the years, I’ve traveled some.  About 10 years ago, I discovered that one of my favorite experiences is sitting in an airport observing fellow travelers.  Surprisingly, most of the time people don’t seem aware of being watched.  Only one time that I can recall, did I notice another voyeur.  And we smiled at each other knowingly.   I love imagining who people are, where they’re from, where they’re going, what their relationships are like etc… Maybe it’s the mystery of our uniqueness and the recognition that we are all One.

Anyhow, I smiled reading Rinpoche’s analogy of how the “momentary expressions of the infinite possibility of emptiness” are like people passing through an airport on ways to various destinations.  He says “If you asked them their intentions, they’d tell you that they were ‘just passing through'”. Each of us, with our stories that feel so real, are merely coming and going; temporary manifestations of Awareness. To the extent we accept the impermanence of our finite thoughts, emotions, perceptions we know ourselves as only Joy!

This is from Pema’s July 2016 calendar…fitting I think.





When things fall apart

“Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look. That’s the compassionate thing to do. That’s the brave thing to do. We could smell that piece of shit. We could feel it; what is its texture, color, and shape? We can explore the nature of that piece of shit. We can know the nature of dislike, shame, and embarrassment and not believe there’s something wrong with that.”― Pema ChödrönWhen Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

How can holding discomforts close, as close as breath, aspects that aren’t charming or inspiring or blissful, be healing?  Is that a path of the Bodhisattva?  Can humility be a portal to the heart?  Shame?  Sometimes, the raw edges of life weep with dark thoughts and emotions that feel heavy. The worst of these are ugly.  My inclination is to dismiss them as inconsequential.  Believing that I can bypass my fears and doubts is the stinkiest shit around.   Having a teacher with deep knowing of his own dark places, who offers compassion and staying power, inspires me. A little humor always helps too. Intuitively, I recognize that “never not now”, means a universal yes to all experience. I can be brave, a little at a time.

My spirit guide gently encourages me to “…stay curious and stay alive”.  She reminds me we are never alone.  So, following my curiosity, I returned to explore Brooklyn this weekend.  There’s a mysterious sense of belonging.  It’s interesting how comforting a place can be that feels familiar, even when it isn’t.  There may be some purpose for me there…time will tell.  This experience certainly makes life interesting.

At the end of the day, although there is much left unresolved, everything merges into gratitude.  I feel blessed.   Another way of sinking into the heart…

Once like a spark

One times One (1944)
XXIV    – poem by E.E. Cummings

(once like a spark)

if strangers meet
life begins-
not poor not rich
(only aware)
kind neither
nor cruel
(only complete)
i not not you
not possible;
only truthful
if strangers(who
deep our most are

(and so to dark)

I’m not exactly sure what E.E. Cummings intended to convey in this poem, but this is one of many from his Complete Poems 1904-1962 collection that points to his knowing of the mystery of becoming in relationship. The beauty lies in its brevity and the space he creates between the lines for us to discover our own meaning; it touches my heart in some way.

I think that “(once like a spark)” means that every moment has potentiality; the possibility to become a life-changing experience.  There is a richness to life when we relate authentically in our relationships.  There is freedom in my being who I am and you as you are. If strangers meet and let go of preconceived ideas of the other, they can touch one another deeply and be changed themselves forever.  So, love wholly and without hesitation.

Warm embrace of mystery

“…relax into the utter not knowing, unraveling in the warm embrace of mystery, sinking deeply into the moment, savoring it fully, in all its uniqueness and wonder.”  -Jeff Foster

Awakening to the nature of who I am as ever-present, timeless, unstainable awareness is…a miracle.  Here there is no longing or lacking. Presence feels wide open with the capacity for any and all experience.  As I explore how this recognition informs how I live my life and relate in the world, there are ups and downs and many questions to ponder. Some days more familiar or conditioned ways of relating, thinking and feeling appear.  Integration of what I understand to be, may be a little harder.  Glad to have a compassionate, loving teacher.  There’s a strong emotional piece in mind/body that is rooted in separateness. I’m learning that it’s not urgent to figure everything out right now.  Longing, sadness, loneliness come and go, when gently held  with compassion.  These feelings aren’t comfortable. A friend recently shared, “I try not to take myself too seriously.”  I aspire to that as well.  And good thing, since I fell off the bow of the boat at the start of sailing class at Long Shore on Sunday.  (LOL)

Another discovery.. it’s ok to linger in the “warm embrace of mystery.”  Intimate, sensual experiences of pure intimacy make my heart race…not  unlike going to the limits of your longing.  Groundlessness is the new normal.  In Awareness, time and space have no boundaries.  Consciousness doesn’t share the dimensions of humanity, nor is communication limited to words.  There are other ways of listening and knowing.  Love recognizes Itself.   This is my experience.   Perhaps it is by “sinking into my heart”,  I live more fully alive.