Author: jagoeseidl

Don’t Hesitate   – by Mary Oliver

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed or about
to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the
case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

Knowing the nature of our true being, opens up an
awareness that expresses itself not so much in words
as in feelings. Mary Oliver’s poems reflect her deep
understanding and experience of Oneness in nature
and unexpected moments of being One with.
Her poetry invites us to honor the divine impulse within.
She helps me feel
closer to myself.

My life is full of wonder, mystery,
desire and longing;  like an early Spring!
I hear a soft voice within
whisper reassuringly that I’m close to home.
Joy is not meant to be a crumb!

There is much yet for me to learn.
And I am reminded, as the path unfolds…stay true.

Joel Goldsmith (1892- 1964) wrote The Infinite Way in 1947.  That this relatively obscure author and spiritual work should catch my attention at this time is remarkable for a number of reasons. (Surprisingly, one can purchase a used copy of this on Amazon for 18 cents; yet it’s worth ten times its weight in gold to me.)  I am confident that I was pointed in the direction of this gentleman and his writings, not through mere coincidence, but by design. I often ponder with amazement how the Spirit continues to unfold in my life and guide me to teachers, to places of impenetrable peace and freedom.  There are ways of seeing and knowing that connect us to deeper levels of our true essence.  Through learning to listen to an inner voice and trusting that there is a path that I am uniquely destined for…all is possible. 

The following is an excerpt from The Infinite Way that touched my heart.  

“Always remember that God, your individual Consciousness, has prepared for you all that is necessary for the fulfillment of your individual experience.  You are never outside the harmony of God’s being.  Cultivate the awareness of the presence of God every moment.  It is our conscious union with God which enables us to live without taking thought and makes possible a life of complete abundance – by Grace.  There is an invisible bond between all of us.  We are not on earth to get from one another, but to share the spiritual treasures which are of God.  Our purpose in life is the unfolding of the Spirit within.  We see each other as travelers on the path of Light; we share our unfoldments, our experiences, and our spiritual resources.

Conscious Oneness with God always results in bringing forth harmony, peace, joy, success.  Communion with God is true prayer.  It is the unfoldment in individual consciousness of God’s presence and power.  In this communion, or prayer, no words pass from you to God, but the consciousness of the presence of God is realized as the impartation of truth and love comes from God within to you.  It is a holy state of being and never leaves us where it finds us.”

I believe it’s possible that my spiritual awakening was activated on a cellular level.  Divine, infinite, pure energy transmitted through a transparent, open, field of Love.  My teacher says humbly, “It’s possible…”  Love or in religious terms God, has an infinite number of possible ways to express Itself.   Understanding ourselves as “never being outside the harmony of God’s being” is communion with God.  Here, in the “pure land of the present moment” (Thich Nhat Hanh) I AM at home.

While sorting through my “letters”, I came across the following from post-session 07-26-16.  I don’t recall having written this and yet my heart recognized it. Funny.  Universal Truth does not know the limits of  time and space. 

Practice of the presence of God?  Give voice to this formless form of my heart.  First there was the word…the word made flesh.  And God said this is good.  God – let your thoughts infiltrate my thoughts.  Let my perceptions be infiltrated by yours.  Let my heart beat with your as One.  May all my emotions be modulations of you.  May I recognize every moment as your presence.  All my experience is a cooperation to be One with you!

Welcome discomfort…
    Welcome sadness…
         Welcome loneliness…

Grace is found in these too.

In Consciousness, we are One.  May the fullness of My becoming, be.  And in my sadness – may my open, humble, soft spot be a portal to Awareness.
          Walk with me-
Be the presence of Love – no conditions.
Resist nothing because there is nothing to resist.  Be peace.  Be Love.

Here, I honor having a companion on the journey.  Co-creating the presence of God. 

Practice the presence of God…when two or more are gathered in my name there is Love. I AM here. 

The miracle is the experience of being given back to Oneself. Namaste to my fellow Light traveler. 

On my walk, I recognize a merging of my Self,  surrender.  There is ample room in the open field of Awareness for all experience.  God may not know or even care about suffering, but God knows and cares about Love.  Love knows only Itself.

To lean in requires no resistance. Say yes to being alive.  May I make a joyful effort to be the Yes that I Am!

Part Two, Sonnet XXIX by Rainer Maria Rilke

Quiet friend who has come so far,
sense how your breath expands space.
Amidst the beams of the gloomy belfry,
Let yourself toll. As you ring,

what batters you becomes your strength.
Enter and exit, in your metamorphoses.
If your experiences have been painful
And drinking them has been bitter, turn them into wine.

In this night of excess,
be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses,
And become the meaning of this strange conjoining.

And if the world has ceased to hear you,
say to the silent Earth: I flow.
To the rushing water, speak: I am.

As I write this, I feel so glad for all that I have and how my life is unfolding.  Each day I wake up with a gentle knowing that everything is as it’s supposed to be. There’s a deep serenity that comes with not wanting life to be any other way than it is.  I feel like there is much to learn on this path and simultaneously, I’m complete just as I am.  A playful pairing of destiny and acceptance.

“Quiet friend who has come so far, sense how your breath expands space.”  Could Rilke be speaking of the immanency of God?  Abundance surrounds us.  I’m learning that awakening has less to do with seeking or feeling pleasure and more to do with surrendering to all experience with an open heart. 

 “…be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses, and become the meaning of this strange conjoining.”  Mystics who see from Oneness help us find our way back to our true essence.   My life is graced with a teacher whose appearance is all God’s doing.  One day or a lifetime, this relationship is sacred.  I recognize other Soul kin too.  We’re never alone.

 “And if the world has ceased to hear you, say to the silent Earth: I flow.  To the rushing water, speak: I am.”  How lovely…

Dedication

Poem by Rainer Maria Rilke (original version)

I have great faith in all things not yet spoken.
I want my deepest pious feelings freed.
What no one yet has dared to risk and warrant
will be for me a challenge I must meet.

If this presumptuous seems, God, may I be forgiven.
For what I want to say to you is this:
my efforts shall be like a driving force,
quite without anger, without timidness
as little children show their love for you.

With these out flowing, river-like, with deltas
that spread like arms to reach the open sea,
with the recurrent tides that never cease
will I acknowledge you, will I proclaim you
as no one ever has before.

And if this should be arrogance, so let me
arrogant be to justify my prayer
that stands so serious and so alone
before your forehead, circled by the clouds.

A few thoughts….I love this poem.  

He inspires me to try and find words to express my sensual awakening.  

with wonder and awe during this season of miracles
I am emerging in an explosive shakti dance
of becoming…of intimacy…of living fully alive
deep within, an ecstatic vibration
always on the edge of union or communion
body and soul merging like the harmony of spheres
every breath a homecoming – an infinite yes

with gratitude

 -mjs

have you seen her
the one dressed up like a lady for a party
she’ll not quit the feelings in her body
which is quite alright for she is
destined to live the awake dream

infinite purple, pink and gray hues of dusk
emerge pornographically
in ways that delight
she moves her hands delicately
aware of her unveiled beauty
her lover beckons

go to the threshold without hesitation
she playfully winks at death
say yes to life
your life
shamelessly risking all that has gone before
and all tomorrows for this homecoming
there is no apology

guileless passion releases
a taste of nature’s divine essence
fresh as daybreak in Monet’s garden
and for a moment
thought suggests
that she is the sky or even the gold

-melissa jagoe-seidl

Eternity
He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in Eternity’s sunrise
-William Blake

I think in William Blakes’ short poem, Eternity, he conveys that joy cannot be possessed and true freedom is to live with an awakened heart.   When Love recognizes Itself in another, time stops. For that moment, breath is God’s infinite Being. This is eternity.   For me, Being in Love is quieting; it’s a homecoming, no longing or lacking here. I rest easily in this place.  In Love, I am you and you are me.

Insidiously, thoughts and feelings return with their wishfulness to hold onto the experience, extend it, stay there, stay close.   Inherent is a sense of separation and that’s when the longing returns.  It preoccupies my mind.  It feels very different than the one who kisses the joy as it flies.  Righteousness and entitlement are familiar from this place. This is a longing that perpetuates possessiveness.

Some people can easily facilitate truth and deliver this Love and Understanding in a way that not only points us in the direction of Awareness but who are truly Love and live Christ Consciousness.  I am sensitive to the synchronicity of events and the paths of other spiritual travelers.  From the perspective of the heart, Love and Longing are nearly indistinguishable. 

Awareness knows nothing other than Love; no one to attach to, nothing to grasp or hold onto.  The artist and the friend, the wind and the waves, the lovers and teachers are God’s infinite being.  This is the joy of the great All.

This poem, by Martha McClure, deeply touches my heart.  Her spirit and creativity inspire me.  In this moment, Awareness recognizes Itself.  I believe her Lover is My Lover too.

(My Lover reprinted with permission from author Martha McClure)

My Lover
My Lover is the most patient, persistent, and generous of souls.
My Lover unceasingly showers me with unending treasure in infinite forms.
Hear the turn of tires on the damp morning pavement? That’s my Lover.
Smell that hint of leaves drying in a clump under the Beech in the middle of the yard? That’s Him too.
He’s coming to me on the breeze through the branches and glancing off my cheeks and lips.
He’s tangled in the laughter and screams of children postponing their departure from the playground.
He’s caught as the reflection of the brilliant blue sky on the drop of rain clinging desperately to the rusted fence.

My Lover doesn’t know ‘no,’ He hears only ‘yes!’ and ‘more.’
He invites me to open, sometimes gently, sometimes violently.
He implores me to let go, resist no more.
Yet He is never discouraged nor disappointed.
Never depleted nor distraught.
He discovers my secret hiding places and slides silently in through the shadows to find me.

My Lover hosts no conditions, no expectations for my engagement.
He comes and comes and comes again.
He will let me rest but will not let me sleep.
The more I recognize my Lover, the more thunderous He grows.
The more petulant my vision, the more painful His presence.
My blindness, my deafness, my numbness becomes my desperation.

For my Lover reveals Himself equally in my longing as He does in my ecstasy.
And He shines brilliantly in the Knowing.

All we have is our experience.  This afternoon I felt a familiar sense of lacking.  I was disappointed, hoping that last week’s retreat would rid myself of these thoughts and feelings.  Other thoughts distracted me for awhile.  Then I recalled how this might be an opportunity to practice loving kindness and turn my curiosity back to self-inquiry.   What is the source of my desires.  From where does this seeking come.  Agitated that this line of questioning was also beginning to feel all-consuming, my awareness switched to being present, alone, outside in the stormy winds with leaves blowing everywhere.  Let go.  Sink into your heart.

That’s when I heard a voice say, “Hold, even this.”  I repeated it out loud. Hold, even this. From deep within, this Knowing breathed its life into my being.  Yes, there is space for the doubts and confusion of wanting something I can’t have and the feeling I need someone. The take-away was to knowingly welcome, even these, with tenderness.

No need to push anything away or figure anything out.  Understanding is not a destination. From the point of view of Love,  it’s all ok.  An experience of what I’ve read somewhere – the heart does not know the meaning of “getting rid of”.  Everything that is present, has already been accepted.  I am the welcoming space of all experience. The infinite Yes, back again!

Later at home, read the daily quote from Rupert: “The only barrier to peace and happiness is the thought that considers the current situation wrong or inadequate.” -Rupert Spira

In Love, there is courage to face my own sense of lack, while knowing I am deeply ok.

I believe in all that has never yet been spoken

I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for

may for once spring clear
without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, pardon me,
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,

streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.
~Rainer Maria Rilke

—from Rilke’s Book of Hours: Love Poems to God, by Rainer Maria Rilke / Translated by Joanna Macy

“Through the wound, be whole.”  – J.K.

When the notion of “through the wound, be whole” was initially shared as a path to healing, I found it slightly unsettling and a mysterious notion.  I was more accustomed to navigating life with an aim to avoid discomfort and escape from painful and complicated thoughts and feelings.  With new growth and an awakened heart, I’m learning to not be as afraid with life as it is.   A willingness to be with myself, under all conditions, allows me to be with my woundedness in a loving way.

Staying fully present in the moment, even when it’s hard, can be a portal to deep communion and peace.  This was my experience recently and I am changed by it, in ways that continue to unfold.  Through the wound, be whole…

Curiously, everything lately appears brighter, sensual, pleasurable, limitless and life affirming. Connections with people are more spontaneous and boundaries more permeable, resulting in openness.  It’s easier to trust in the inherent goodness of people. Love heals. 

Pema Chodron says “The path of the warrior is a lot more daring; you are cultivating a fearless heart, a heart that doesn’t close down in any circumstance; it is always totally open, so that you could be touched by anything.”  She goes on to say, “As you become more fearless, your bodhicitta will ripen with each day of your life, which will be of great benefit to others.”

As always, I am profoundly grateful for a gentle, wise spiritual teacher who helps reflect back my own inner knowing.  I see my true essence more clearly in the light of this relationship.  Spiritual beings on a shared path…this is real. Being what we truly are liberates us. 

I notice a gentler, softer, stillness within me emerging.  This leads me to wonder how I might serve to help others living in the world to grow and know Love.  Miracles happen.